a pinch of life

The purpose of friendship is not to have someone who might complete you. But to have someone whom you might share your incompleteness with

Leia Mais…

a pinch of life

Hardships in life are existing to test how far we can stand them. Never give up! They are the shadows which will remold us to become stronger than we used to be.

Leia Mais…

kwento ng QA sa Call Center 2

Customer trying to verify some transactions on her account:
Customer: what was the transaction for $80.00?
Agent: That was for Macy's
Customer: I'm sorry, what was that again? Can you spell it for me?
Agent: M as in Mama, A as in Alpha C in Churva..
Customer Interrupting: what? What churva?
Agent: Churva, you know…it's a Gay Lingo

Customer interested with one of our products:
Agent: thank you for calling Washington Mutual this is Charlie, how can I Help you?
Customer: I interested with one of your savings account…
Agent: Sure..what is it?
Customer: Can I still use the School Savings account during summer?
Agent: Can I put you on hold for a moment to check on that? Thank you
Agent asked TL

Telesales agent getting the customer's credit card info:
Agent: Can I have your expiration date, sir?
Customer: My what?!!

Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
Agent: You called at the right time, ma'am. We have a lot of freebies to give away, such as free installation, free equipment, and free DVD player. That's a great offer, di ba?
Customer: huh?!

Agent verifying info from the customer:
Agent: Is that a P for Ping-Pong?
Customer: No, it's B.
Agent: Oh, B, like Bing-Bong...

Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this and that, and you know, pretty much anything under the sun. Isn't that a great offer?
Customer: What?

Tech Support: Okay, Bob, just type P on your keyboard?
Customer: What? Could you repeat that?
Tech Support: 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: No way. I'm not going to do that.

Agent: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Customer (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra! like the one in the Goo?!

Leia Mais…

kwento ng QA sa Call Center

TSR: “Alright, we’re going to perform a checkdisk. That is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it. Please type in C-H-K-D-S-K…”
Customer: “What is that again?”
TSR: “C-H-K-D-S-K…that is… C as in Charlie…H as in Harley…K as in Karley…D as in Darley…S as in Sarley…and K as in Karly.”

CSR: “I was hoping you can take this survey with me. Would you have the time to do that, sir?”
Customer: “How long is this gonna to take?”
CS: “Mmm.. MGA three minutes….”
*slip of the vernacular*

TSR: “It’s C as in CAT.”
Customer: “What?”
TSR: “C as in CAT. C-A-T…meow meow…”

Josue: Here with our company, you’ll get clear voice quality…there no
zzzzhhhoooommmm(Pertaining to static) Bigla ba naman gumamit ng SFX…..

CX: That’s Great!
___________

Josue: It’s Very easy to install. Its like eating french fries as easy as one , two, three.

____________

Josue: THank you for having business with us. Have a nice Life!

________

CSA: Thats N for nancy, the number zero, then V for Victor and then L ( Napaisip ata kasi new hire palang) ahhh, uhmm, L as in LIEMPO!

Customer: whats liempoh?

________

TSR: 0kay sir, Let's check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w...
CUST: yes... (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0... )
TSR: type in www.yahoo.com
CUST: what? yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... yahoo.com...
CUST: yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... com... C-O-M
CUST: cot?
TSR: (asar na) .com sir!
CUST: aahhh... yahoo.cot.

_______________

CS: Thank you for calling... this is Candy, how may I help you?
Cust: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
CS: No, sir, it's Candy...
Cust: Sorry, can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir... Candy... as in Storck!!!
(oohhh... now I get it!!!)

_______________

CS: Was that a "B" as in boy or a "B" as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm... how about "B" as in boy...
(good choice...)
----------------------------------
CS: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!... Gusme... Gon't gou get git?)
----------------------------------
CS: Yeah, sir... sir... are you there?
Cust: Yes, yes, I'm there!
(siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter...)
----------------------------------
CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?
Cust: Huh?... Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here...
(... makes sense to me!!!)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Cust: What?!!
TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir... Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?...
(klap! klap! klap!)
----------------------------------
ethernet cord connected???...
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with alabama accent)
TS: Yung yellow cord, mheem...
(oh-oow ngee nehmeeennn..)
----------------------------------
CS: ...That's E as in I-KOW... (echo)
(oki lang yan, Dong...)
----------------------------------
CS: Come again, sir?!!!
Cust: Oh sure, baby!!!
(negro siguro kausap neto...)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir, this is ano... what you'll do... you have to type the ano...the command run and ano...
(...teypows enow???)
----------------------------------
Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?
CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule...
(... I can PEEL it!!!)

----------------------------------

CS: ...I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please???
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
CS: Sure, SIGE...
(ay shyet, ulet!!!)
----------------------------------
local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas...
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman...
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...
CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!
(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote... tsk, tsk, tsk...)
----------------------------------
TS: Ok, sir... Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?...
(... lemme try...)
----------------------------------
Cust (US): So how's the weather there?
CS: Well... it's kinda cloudy today, sir...
Cust: Oh really?!!!... So where are you located?
CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!...
(... dats nir Mexico...)

Leia Mais…

a pinch of life

God's way is Best: One day I asked God a bunch of beautiful flowers. But, instead, He gave me a cactus with thorns. Later, I asked Him to give me butterflies, But instead, He give me worms. I was disappointed and I wept. But few days after, I noticed that the cactus bloomed with beautiful flowers and the worms soon became butterflies. God wants us to wait for the right time for He knows He gives only what is best.

Leia Mais…

Amiga lasing, pauwi sumakit ang tiyan nila at sa simenteryo inabutan. Ang isa, ginamit ang panty pamunas saka tinapon. Yung isa, nakakakita ng wreath sa puno at ginawang pamunas. Kinabukasan, sabi ng mga asawa nila:

Juan: Pre bantayan natin mga misis natin. Misis ko umuwi kagabi walang panty.

Nick: Mas grabe misis ko! Meron card na nakadikit sa pwet, may nakasulat. "We'll never forget you. From all the Guys of the Sales Department."

******

(Sa Math class) Titser: Juan, kung ako'y may 5 anak sa unang at 5 ulit sa pangalawa, samakatuwid meron akong?

Juan: Taglay na kalandian mam...

Leia Mais…

a pinch of life

Sweet words are easy to say; Nice things are easy to buy; But good people are difficult to find. Life ends when you stop dreaming; Hope ends when you stop believing; Love ends when you stop crying; Friendship ends when you stop sharing. So share this with whoever you consider as a friend. To love with condition. To talk without intention. To give without reason. And to care without expectation.

Leia Mais…

tawa muna kasabay ng pagtaas ng pamasahe sa pinas

Titser at estudyante
A philosopher challenges a student
Titser: Class, See is to believe. Have u seen God?
Students: No, Sir!
Titser: You didn't see, You didn’t believe.
Students: Titser have u seen ur brain?
Titser: No
Students: Uwi na tayo my dear classmate, Walang utak si Sir.
* * *
Dalawang holdaper sa bangko...


Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo! Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na! Holdaper: ga*o! Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!

baliw........

Nakita ko yung 1 baliw merong dahon sa ulo.Tinanong ko yung baliw, ang sabi ko, “bakit meron kang dahon sa ulo?” Baliw 1: Ahhh. kasi ako si Francisco Balagtas... Sabi ko...ah...OK

Nakita ko naman yung pangalawang baliw...merong hawak na laruang itak na nakataas pa ang kamay...Tinanong ko yung baliw 2, ang sabi ko, “bakit meron kang laruang itak at nakataas pa ang kamay mo?Baliw 2: Ahhh. kasi ako si Andress Bonifacio... Sabi ko: ah...OK

Kaya ang ginawa ko eh lumapit ako sa Doctor…
Sabi ko: Doc. Good afternoon po, magtatanong lang po sana ako kung bakit mga bayani ang laman ng isip ng mga baliw dito?
Doctor: Ah...iho kasi masyado naapektuhan ang mga utak nila ng ating mga bayani... Sabi ko: Ah.. Ganun po ba Dok..cge po Thank you... ahh... Doctor ano nga po pala name mo? Doctor: Ako po si doctor Jose Rizal...

* * *

While watching a ballerina tip toeing on stage, Eddie Gil commented, Ang tanga naman ng direktor! Bakit hindi na lang sya kumuha ng matangkad?!?

* * *
Pedro: Pare, sobrang taba talaga ng misis ko kaya’t gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang.
Pablo: Sabihin mo sa misis mo maghorse back riding siya.
Makaraan ang dalawang buwan…
Pablo: Kumusta naman ang resulta ng horseback riding?!
Pedro: Nabawasan ng 40kilos ang kabayo!!!

* * *

Pepe: Daddy, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
Daddy: Ha? Aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba'y di pa ba nila nakikita?

Leia Mais…

a pinch of life

The world is God's creation and we belong to the Lord, And everything around us is made up of His love. So open your heart to Jesus and put your trust in Him.

Leia Mais…

pagkakaiba ng mayaman sa mahirap

1.) Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy" Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"

2.) Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress" Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"

3.) Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac" Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"

4.) Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric" Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"

5.) Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine" Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"

6.) Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic" Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"

7.) Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay "morena" o "kayumanggi" Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga" o "tsimay"

8.) Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay "petite" Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay "pandak" o "bansot" o "unano" o "jabbar"

9.) Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump" Kapag mahirap ka at ika'y mataba, "tabatsoy" o "lumba-lumba"... pagminamalas ka, "baboy"

10.) Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay "game" Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pakawala" o "pam-pam"

11.) Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated" Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi" o "haliparot" o "halipandas" o "dalahira"

14.) Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single parent" Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"

15.) Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain, "vegetarian" Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na kumakain ng damo."

16.) Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa kanila ay "walang hiya" o "walang modo" o "bastos"

17.) Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood" Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"

18.) Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner" Ang anak ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"

19.) Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says, "masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking" Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host will say to himself na ikaw ay "patay-gutom" o "hampaslupa" o "masiba"

20.) Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa PC mo, "okay lang" Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol"... hala ka , nasa likod mo ang boss mo

Leia Mais…

American vs Filipino Names

Leon Mangubat ----- Tiger Woods

Rogelio Dagdag ----- Roger Moore

Francisco Portero ----- Frank Porter

Bienvenido Jurado ----- Ben Hur

Juan Tampipi ----- John Samsonite

Restituto Fruto ----- Tutti Frutti

Casimiro Bocaycay ----- Cashmere Boquet

Veneracio de Asis ----- Alzheimer's Disease

Topacio Mamaril ----- Top Gun

Eliuterio Ignacio ----- Electronic Ignition

Juanito Lakarin ----- Johnny Walker

Esteban Pagtakhan ----- Stevie Wonder

Burgos Reyes ----- Burger King

Ligaya Almundo ----- Joy Totheworld

Maria Natividad ----- Mary Christmas

Ligaya Anonuevo ------ Happy NewYear

Federico Hagibis ------ Federal Express

Leia Mais…

Wonder of human brain

Olny srmat poeple can.

Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabridge Uinervtisy, it deosn"t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are. The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Leia Mais…

Heaven and Hell

What is the comparisoin between heaven... and hell...????. Heaven .....is like eating a a chinese food…..driving a german car…..having an american salary and heaven is married to a Filipina wife.

What Hell.... is??? driving a chinese car…eating a german food…married to an american wife and having a Filipino salary.

Leia Mais…

kwento ng isang OFW

Dalawa lang silang mag-ina sa Amerika at hinihintay nila ang pag dating ng pamilya nila. Pero unfortunately while they were waiting, the mother died. The family in the Philippines wants their mom to be buried back home pero it was so expensive. Pero dahil majority of the family wants it that way, walang choice ang anak dito sa States kung hindi sundin ang mga nakakatanda sa kanya. Dahil nga very expensive, she decided to just remain in the States and ship the coffin unaccompanied..

Ng dumating na sa Pilipinas ang kanilang ina, may napansin ang pamilya na hindi maganda. Ang mukha at katawan ng inay nila ay dikit na dikit na sa salamin ng kabaong. Sabi tuloy ng isa, "Ay tingnan mo yan, hindi sila marunong mag asikaso ng patay sa Amerika". To cut the story short they prepared the coffin for viewing. Pag bukas ng takip (salamin) ng coffin, may napansin silang sulat sa baba ng dibdib ng kanilang inay.

Dahan-dahan kinuha at nangi-nginig na binukasan ni Kuya (panganay na anak)
ang sulat at binasa sa lahat ng buong pamilya. Ang nilalaman ng sulat ay ito: "Mahal Kong mga Kapatid, Hayan na si Inay!!!

Pasyensya na kayo at hindi ko nasamahan ang inay sa pag-uwi diyan sa Pilipinas sa dahilan na napaka-mahal ng pamasahe. Ang gastos ko na nga lang sa kanya ay kulang-kulang sa sampung libo (kabaong at shipment). Ayoko ng isipin pa ang eksaktong halaga.

Anyway, pinadala ko kasama ni inay ang dalawampu't apat na karne norte na nasa likod ni Inay. Maghati-hati na kayo. anim na bagong labas na Reebok sneakers...isa suo-suot ni Ninay...and lima nasa ulunan ni Inay...isa-isa na kayo riyan. iba't ibang klaseng tsokokate, nasa puwit ni Inay...maghati-hati na kayong lahat... anim na Ralph Lauren na t-shirts suot-suot ni Inay...para sa iyo, Kuya, at
isa-isa ang mga pamangkin ko. isang dosenang Wonderbra na gustong-gusto ninyo, mga kapatid ko, suot suot din ni Inay. Maghati-hati na kayo riyan. dalawang dosenang Victoria Secret na panties na inaasam-asam ninyo, suot-suot din ni Inay. Maghati-hati na rin kayo, Ate......

walong Dockers na pantalon suot-suot din ni Nanay...Kuya, Diko, isa-isa na kayo, at mga pamangkin ko. ang Rolex na hinahabilin mo, Kuya, eh suot-suot din ni Inay. Kunin mo na. ang hikaw, singsing at kuwintas na gustong-gusto mo, Ate, eh suot-suot din ni Inay. Kunin mo na. mga Chanel na medyas, suot suot din ni Inay. Tig-i tig-isa na kayo at mga pamangkin ko. Bahala na kayo kay Inay. Pamimisahan ko na lang siya dito. Balitaan niyo na lang ako pagkatapos ng libing.

Nagmamahal na kapatid,

Nene

Leia Mais…

Song Translation

Did u know that some English song titles can sound
so funny and outrageous when translated
in Tagalog?


Here are some of them:

1.Imagine - Mantakin mo

2.Bluer Than Blue - Malapit na sa Hukay

3.Tonight's The Night - Patay kang Bata ka

4.Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas!

5.Power of Love - Buntis

6.Three Times a Lady - Super Bakla

7.More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)

8.Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayon

9.Don't Let Me Be The Last to Know - Huwag mo kong
Gawing Tanga

10.You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat
Ngayon
Yan, Tanga!

11.Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y
Naghihipuan

12.Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan mo Ako sa
Umaga

13.Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit

14.Got To Believe In Magic - Walang Himala

15.Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim ang Puso

16.King & Queen Of Hearts - Tong-it Na ko Sa Jack

17.Wind Beneath My Wings - Hengin Sa Ilelim Ng
Eking Pek2

18.Baby One More Time - Isa Pa - Masarap Eh!

19.Macho Man - Walang ganyan sa opis

20.Pretty Woman - Walang pa ring ganyan sa opis

21.How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim Yang Sayo

Leia Mais…

DNA

DNA is a nucleic acid that is localized in cell nuclei and consists of two long chains of nucleotides twisted together into a doble helix and joined by hydrogen bonds between complementary bases adenine and thymine or cytosine and guanine; it carries the cell's genetic information and hereditary characteristics via the sequence of its nucleotides. Thus, people are identified by their unique DNAs, such as:

Prostitute: DNAvirgin

Old Maid: DNAgamit

Bachelor: DNAkasal

Arab: DNAahit

Water Conservationist: DNAliligo

Bin Laden: DNAhanap at DNAhuli

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo: DNAamin at DNAimpeach

Town Fiesta: DNAdayo

Loser: DNAya

Uncircumcised: DNAtuli

Pandak: DNAtumangkad

Not Good Looking: DNAbale

Uncontrollable Child: DNAkinig

Leia Mais…

a pinch of life

When God is going to do something wonderful, He begins with difficulty. If its going to be something very wonderful, He begins with impossibility. Always believe and never quit.

Leia Mais…

a pinch of life

Life is an undying cycle. It is a battle of survival. If you quit, then you're a loser. If you fall, then stand up. If you keep on complaining about the miseries of your life, nothing will happen. God doesn't throw stones that we cannot catch. Live with Him and everything will turn out right.

Leia Mais…

a pinch of life

It hurts like hell to pretend that your happy when deep inside,

Your dying...

It takes a lot of effort to flash a smile when all you wanna do is break down and cry.
the saddest part of it all is you wanna end the torment yet your heart just keeps on holding on.

Living in an illusion that there's still hope when all you've got were just ashes of joke.

Leia Mais…